Flying Whining # 5 Jet Lag

#5     Jet Lag 

Airplane travel is nature’s way of making 

you look like your passport photo.

Vice-President Al Gore

Whine A: Oh, God, I look awful!

Why: Everyone knows that traveling through time zones creates a feeling of malaise and displacement we have come to call jet lag, but few of us are ready for the natural irritability it breeds or the dehydrating and depressing physical effects that always come with it. Ready or not, though, jet lag is one of those unavoidable annoyances of air travel that causes lots of whining, and no one ever seems to have any good advice about how to cure it..

Whine B: I’m never going to feel normal again.

Cure: If you can swing it, the “extra day” cure works best. This should be easy for leisure travelers: simply plan an extra day at each end of your trip, to consist of nothing but getting over your jet lag. 

Whatever comfort means to you, that’s what this day is for: stay in bed watching TV, nap the afternoon away with an eye-mask on, take a long, meandering walk, fall asleep watching a foreign movie with no subtitles in a warm, dark cinema, or sit in a park people-watching until your eyes glaze over—the possibilities are endless when you have no plans. 

If you’re a business traveler, on the other hand, willing to withstand jet lag—up to a point—for profit, power naps, moisturizers, plenty of water intake and a well-timed cocktail or two will have to do. 

Flying Whining #4 Lost Bags

#4     Lost Baggage

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline bags.

Whine A: Oh, No! Not again!

Why: As soon as people find out you’re an airline type person, all they want to talk about are their lost bags. It’s as if they think you could do something about it or that you even care. Lost bags are the universal complaint that does not discriminate against any class of flyer. Whether you fly first class or economy (known to flight attendants as low or no class) your bags are all treated equally—without the slightest care in the world.

 

Whine B: But I need my clothes.

Cure: The “carry-on bags only” cure works for me. It is the only way of making sure that you don’t end up languishing at the lost claims counter. The officials there pretend that they really care but they don’t. To them, one lost bag is just like any other. If they’ve seen one, they’ve seen them all—except for your bag. Do not under any circumstance hassle your check-in person. To do so could mean that while you are flying to Los Angeles, your bags could be going to London. Trust me. It happens. And don’t forget to pack all of your explosive perfume and toiletries in that soon-to-be-lost bag, as you are no longer allowed to carry on such dangerous and subversive items.